It meant so much to me, it meant possibilities. Independence. It meant that I could make it all happen! Naturally, I wanted more of it. So…I worked more. And then a little more. I quickly moved to the corporate world of marketing where I worked as a Personal Assistant. Turned out, I was really good at it. Perhaps too good…
I worked hard. My phone buzzed constantly with work messages. I even replied to emails while at the gym on a Sunday morning. I felt great. Important. Seen. Needed. The years shot by at 90 miles an hour.
And now I was managing my own team and travelling internationally. I was the proud owner of a fancy AMEX card, gym membership and, well, not much else. My love life was flatlining. The one guy I felt a strong connection with broke my heart. I was left thinking I wasn’t good enough, important enough or smart enough for anything or anyone. I vowed never to risk letting anyone else into my life…and just concentrate on work. Any free time I did have, I threw into creating my own coaching business. This at least allowed me to help others change their lives for the better.
In January 2020 I found out I had thyroid cancer. When I got home from the clinic, I sobbed uncontrollably – turns out an Amex can’t give you a cuddle when you need it most. The night before my surgery I stayed up till 3am working on a slide deck. Partly, because I didn’t know what else to do with myself, partly because I couldn’t face thinking about what was really going on for me. In the recovery room, I decided it was time to listen to this voice at the back of my head. I knew it was time to be vulnerable again. To risk getting hurt. To start creating a life that would truly make me happy – not just look impressive on paper.
Back to dating! Except this time, I meant it. I wanted and I was ready for something real. I matched with Andy. We met twice before Covid shut down the world and then spent months on Zoom talking about anything and everything. Finally, I realised there was more to my identity than work and a different life was possible. We now have the most incredible son, Henry, and so much love for each other.
Life today still runs at 90mph, but at least I’m busy with things that mean the world to me. I ‘mum’, coach, mentor, smile at dogs and travel with the boys when I can. Being a mum and running a business is chaotic, messy, challenging and truly wonderful. I no longer ignore the voice at the back of my head. I don’t hide behind work and I don’t need to work crazy hours to feel worthy. I am at peace with who I am. I am grateful and just so happy that I get to help other women do the same for themselves. I am so much more present, fulfilled and apart from sleep (thanks Henry!), nothing else in my life seems to be missing. I love what I do and right now…this is the whole truth.